I am literally the worst person you’d want to interview. Like I’m. Not. Even. Exaggerating. I’m like an awkward banana. An awkward banana who says “and shit” in basically every sentence. So when I got called for an interview.
Let us begin children.
I was chilling in my pjs, all warm and cozy and shit, and I hear my phone vibrating. So I picked it up and looked at it. Now I absolutely despise phone calls, so I just kept staring at my screen contemplating whether to answer it. And right before it could cut off, I was like “Fuck it” and I answered it. And so it began.
Once the call was cut, it then hit me that I had a RADIO INTERVIEW (yeah they wanted to interview me cause I’m a finalist for a fashion design competition so yeah holla). I was chilled at first. Like ptshhh I got this shit. I didn’t have it. Not. One. Bit.
So we (a couple of my fellow finalists and I) arrived at the radio station and then got told the one thing that should not be told to someone like me. “Its gonna be live”. It was then, that I knew, that I, an awkward banana, was fucked, beyond fuckedom.
It started off easy. And I was like hmmm Satan must be asleep. But no. He was just hiding, lying in wait, to make his kill.
The question went something like “how did you interpret the theme in your design”. Now I knew this. I answered it many times before. I practiced it in front of my mirror. I typed it in my Notepad. I carved it in my heart. But of course. It. Was. The. Question. That. Fucked. Me. Sideways.
What I supposed to say: I took inspiration from the Ace of Spades cause it’s the trump. The reason being it symbolizes death. But with death comes Transition; the moving from the mundane concerns of life to the spiritual energies of faith. My design was inspired by this concept and I wanted to play with the darkness of death and the lightness of transition.
What I kinda said (I don’t really remember it word for word but this is the closest not as bad version): Uhm so I kinda also took inspiration from the Ace of Spades but I went a different route. I found out that it represents death so I decided to focus on that cause I’m like dark and shit.
Firstly: WHO THE FUCK SAYS THAT!!! “CAUSE I’M DARK AND SHIT”!!! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE “MY STYLE IS MORE DARK” OR SOMETHING IN THAT LINES!!!
Secondly and more importantly: OMFG OMFG OMFG I SAID SHIT ON LIVE RADIO!!! I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY SHIT ON LIVE RADIO!!! SHIT IS BANNED FROM LIVE RADIO!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE!!! WHAT THE FUCK BIANCA!!! WHY YOU DO THIS!!! WHYYYYY!!!! *DIES*
Once I said “and shit”, I looked at everyone’s faces and realized what I had said. And that’s when my brain was like “shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit fuck don’t say shit out loud shit fuck fuck shit“. My brain then shut down. And I had no way to recover. There was a lot of silence and uhms. My connectors became inactive. I malfunctioned. I died.
So that’s probably the end of any media coverage of me. I don’t blame anyone. Except Satan. I blame that hoe for fucking with me when I need him not to. But anyway, I hope no one listened to that radio station today. Fingers crossed. And shit.
An Awkward Banana And Shit