There are some species in this world that should not exist.
Because they’re just creepy. And not the good Thin Man/Jonathon Crane/Polite Stranger/Ramsey Bolton/Jerome Valeska creepy (OhhhMyGod my heart has just been consumed by all their HolyFuckness. I. Just. Can’t. *dies*). They are the bad Freddy Kruger/The Penguin/Hermit Crab without its shell/Mel Gibson creepy.
So let us begin the extinction.
- Butterflies. These small winged bitches NEED to stop reproducing. My soul leaves my body every time I hear that globglobbing sound and see that sporadic flying and feel that slight wind caress my skin. I cannot live my life to it’s fullest knowing they exist.
- Fish. Fish are freaky as fuck. I have fish AND THEY MOTHERFUCKING EAT EACH OTHER! I MEAN, HE WAS YOUR BROTHER, AND YOU ATE HIM, THAT’S NOT WHAT BROTHERS DO! The amount of nightmares I had of those cannibal fish coming out of that tank. I just. No. And they’re also scary when they’re dead. Their huge ass eyes are open wide and staring into your soul and you feel their presence. Ooh Jesus.
- Lizards. Now I really don’t mind these creepy fucks unless they’re in the same room as me. Why? Because. They. Have. No. Chill. These bitches see you and run like they’re on steroids towards you. And some even jump. The jumpers are bad. Cause you don’t know where they gonna land. Once I was in the bathroom and one jumped and fell right next to me. I was not impressed. However, I was impressed at the fact that it landed upside down and then shimmied under the door on it’s fucking back like a CIA Agent. Thats probably what started my fear of them. And omfg the nqonqo noises they make. It sends chills down my vertebrae. And did i mention I have seen these horny bastards get freaky with each other, twice. They have left me with a psychological scar. ALSO, I had a nightmare that they grew wings and could fly and were after me. I legit thought I was gonna die that night. Being attacked by flying lizards can really have you contemplating life.
- Mynas. These conceited sluts build homes on your roof, then become bad parents and let their babies drop down, and then attack you when you go outside because they blame you for their irresponsible behavior. You should not exist if you are that delusional.
- Pigeons. They’re big. They travel in large groups. They fly away, all at once, in different directions. They make a louder globglobbing sound when they fly. You don’t know when you’re gonna get hit by one. Nay.
- Flying Cockroaches. I don’t even have to explain. Once when I had long hair, I was washing dishes, and my hair was open, and the father was chasing a flying cockroach with Doom, and it flew into my hair, and I died. It took me 10 years to work up the courage and leave my hair growing long without cutting it into a bob.
- Mosquitoes. These inconsiderate dirty hoes deserve to burn in the first level of hell just for buzzing by your head while you’re asleep. How. Dare. You.
A Banana Thats Probably Gonna Have Nightmares Tonight
PS. There’s a few that scare the shit outta me but I left out on the account that I really enjoy eating them, sooo.*coughChickens* *coughTurkeys*