Okay…where shall I begin. 

So I turned 21…5 times. Once on the 19th (Monday), again on the 19th (Friday), the 19th (Saturday), also the 19th (Sunday) (wait was New Years’ Day on a Sunday?), and the 19th (Wednesday). 

I’m still so confused. Even more so. I’m currently sitting on a couch in Benoni, 561km from where I stay. How the fuck did that happen?

Also, on my 5th 21st birthday I carried a baby. Me, Mariah Bianca Govender, carried a 3 (???) week old baby. B. A. B. Y. The fear was real. It was a rush. The adrenaline that was pumping through my veins (does adrenaline pump through veins? I don’t know. I swear I’m smart though) kept me on my feet. My heart was running faster than Sonic on that booster pack thingy (I have that game on my phone. Another thing: I have games on my phone now). I had to drink a glass of water to calm myself down after I had handed her back after the photo. 

Also, my goal to stop breaking things needs to be revised. I don’t think I can stop. I lost count of the things I broke (accidentally) during this few weeks I was away. And it’s not because I’m clumsy. Like the plug point switch broke because I was going too hardcore on my sewing machine. It could even be argued that it wasn’t my fault. It actually was argued. But of course, the counter argument had examples of past misdemeanors concerning shower heads and flooding and mini explosions. Well fuck me. 

Also, I accidentally cleaned the microwave using antiseptic liquid instead of multi-surface cleaner. Firstly, they said Dettol. It’s not my fault the first Dettol product my eyes fell upon was the antiseptic liquid. Secondly, WHY WOULD YOU TRUST ME WITH SUCH THINGS. I broke a fucking broom while sweeping. Has the universe not made it clear enough that I’m not cut out for home related shit. 

Also, I made 152 tickets in the arcade which was the most I’ve ever gotten. It was a huge deal for me. I was able to get an emoji popper, scooby wires, black squishy lizards and a mini slinky. #Winning. Although I swapped one squishy lizard for a mini glowy dinosaur with my cousin cause I liked that as well but I didn’t have enough tickets to get it but luckily he did and he was willing to make a deal with me and so we both ended up in a win-win situation. #DoubleWinning. 

Also, you know that thing where people say that in an emergency the first things you grab and run says a lot about you…well, there was an emergency. The first things I grabbed was my box of presents, make-up brushes, make-up, curler, hair dryer, clothes and pet dragon. I’m afraid of what that says about me. Anyway, I ended up dropping most of my clothes. And not to mention I had on a honey and lemon face mask (cause we were doing a spa day). And had only one foot shoe on (cause the other got lost in all the rush). And the hair dryer was dragging on the floor as I was power walking (cause I couldn’t run cause of all the shit I had in my hands). I really don’t know how my aunt kept a straight face watching me stumble into the safe zone. How am I…???

Also, it’s been 3 weeks and I’ve only dropped my new phone 3 times. #Growing. 

Also, I lost R250. But The Rat found it and gave it to The Father but they refused to tell me they found it and expected me to believe that I actually lost it. Luckily the aunt confirmed my suspicions so I’m gonna get back my money with interest. Or I will raise Hell. Life’s financially difficult for a newlygraduate fussily looking for worthy employment. 

Also, my 13 year old cousins want to go underwear shopping with me. Teenagers think I’m cool. I must be doing something right. Or am I doing something wrong…I’m so confused. 

Also, I nearly drown in the pool. I can’t swim. And I got pulled in too deep. Luckily my self preservation skills are A++ and I used my new cousin to push myself to the wall. She got pushed underwater and water went up her nose but she was fiiine in the end. No harm, no foul. 

Also, my anxiety spiked. 

Okay bye, 

Your Faithful Mess

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