I’m alive.

And I’m a piece of shit. 

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I WAS LIKE “I’M GOING TO BLOG TODAY” BUT DIDN’T BECAUSE MY BATTERY ENDED UP DEAD?!?!?!? 

Why does it end up dead, Bianca? 

BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN PLAYING GAMES ON MY PHONE!!! 

Since when do you have games on your phone, Bianca?

SINCE I HAVE ENOUGH STORAGE SPACE BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE TO SAVE MEMES ANYMORE TO SEND TO PEOPLE CAUSE I CAN JUST TAG THEM ON FACEBOOK NOW!!! 

Okay cool. 

I HAVE RED AND BLACK HAIR NOW BY THE WAY. 

How did that happen, Bianca? 

I ATTEMPTED DYEING MY OWN HAIR BLUE BUT I DONE FUCKED IT UP AND HAD TO WALK AROUND WITH HALF DARK BROWN, QUARTER LIGHT BROWN, QUARTER BLONDE WITH GREEN PATCHES, HAIR FOR A WEEK UNTIL MY AUNT HAD MERCY ON ME AND TOOK ME TO A SALON WHO COULD ONLY FIX IT BY MAKING HALF BLACK AND HALF RED (OR PURPLE, BUT I DONT LIKE PURPLE SO). I LIKE IT A LOT. 

Cool. Anything else? 

I STARTED MY INTERNSHIP LIKE A MONTH AGO AND I HAVE BEEN TAKING THE GAUTRAIN LIKE A (it was at this moment when I saved the changes to this post and went to eat, instead of coming back and completing this post, I started playing Sonic the Hedgehog. I completed a daily challenge, a normal challenge, finished a level, and bought a new character. Fuck me) RESPONSIBLE MATURE ADULT FROM THE PAST WEEK. AND I ONLY BROKE ONE RULE (you arent allowed to eat or drink, but I was sipping on my marshmallow milkshake) AND GOT LOST ONCE (I took the wrong exit and ended up on another side and walked around reaching 2 dead ends before asking for directions) AND CROSSED TWO MAIN ROADS WITHOUT GETTING KNOCKED (which is kinda a big deal cause I usually just carelessly run across and hope that Jesus isn’t ready for me yet). AND I SWEAR IF I DON’T MEET A CUTE GUY IN THE BUS OR TRAIN LIKE IN THE MOVIES, I WILL BE SUPER PISSED. 

Okay. 

OH AND YESTERDAY I ATTEMPTED TAKING A SELFIE WITH THIS BOMB ASS SNAPCHAT FILTER AND MY 8 YEAR OLD COUSIN JUMPED ME AND SENT ME CRASHING TO THE FLOOR WHERE I SCRAPED MY KNEE. I NOW HAVE A BATTLE WOUND AND SURVIVAL STORY. IT HURTS. HOWEVER, BEFORE THAT LIFE THREATENING FALL, I WAS MAKING BLUEBERRY MUFFINS (which turned out amazing by the way) AND I FORGOT TO TAKE OUT THE TRAY BEFORE PREHEATING THE OVEN AND AS I WAS TAKING IT OUT I TOUCHED THE TRAY AND BURNT MY FINGER. THAT HURT MORE. 

Shame. 

ALSO I DISCOVERED THAT I AM PATHETIC AT DARTS. MY ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE SELF IS ASHAMED OF ME. MY HOPES OF BECOMING A SPY HAS DIMINISHED A BIT. BUT I REMAIN POSITIVE. I’M SURE THEY HAVE A PILL THEY COULD GIVE ME TO IMPROVE MY AIM.

Okay bye, 

Your Mercurial Piece Of Shit

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