I typed this post out on the bus over a period of three days. It was long. It was beautiful. It was deleted. How? I don’t know. But I was pretty disappointed with life. Anyway let us begin…again. Fucking bastard site.

So, let’s start of by reliving a moment so treacherous that it has depreciated my will to look bomb af. There I was, living life to the fullest in semi-heels, walking like I had a credit balance…until we came to the stairs and my legs stopped balancing, and I made a considerable loss at life, which has now downgraded me to junk status. Fortunately, the Lord was with me (cause I was at church) (*high fives Jesus*) my precious beloved knee highs didn’t get torn (even though my knee got scraped) (I’m still in awe of that miracle). Unfortunately, because of this new scar that sorta balances out the one on the other, I now have the knees of a 7 year old child (I like wearing shorts). Luckily, only a few people saw that brief moment of clumsiness (*coughs*). Unluckily, more than a few people heard. Because I screamed. Which wouldn’t have been so bad if it was short and sweet. But, thanks to my face preservation skills, I went down slowly and awkwardly, like a newborn giraffe learning to walk, so my different pitched scream (I like to give people variety) went on for a good number of seconds. 

Did I tell you that I really like taking the train. Like if I could sit on the train the whole day, I wouldn’t cause of the air-conditioning which fucks with nose and head and body, but I’d sit for a good couple of hours. And the people you see are interesting. Okay I’m lying, only a few are interesting, the rest are business people (well people in boring suits) (I’m sure they’re aren’t boring) (but the clothes they’re possibly forced to wear are) (shem). 

The other day there was this lady who jumped onto the train while the doors were closing. She made it in. Her bag didn’t. And the Controller (???) (I don’t know what you call them but on Thomas and Friends that guy is called the Fat Controller so) didn’t wanna open up the doors for her remove he bag. So she was glued to the doors as it sped on and on and on. Shem. 

Okay, so there’s these rails that seperate the escalators from the platforms and most people, being the uncultured swines of society, go under them instead of walking the, apparently life-threatening, 5-second journey around. So there was this guy who attempted to swing under in a suave way. He swung to my side, bumped into a set a female legs, which caused him to rock back hard into his side, and then slowly back to mine. The long-legged female ignored him and continued on her way, leaving him literally hanging on a rail of embarrassment. And because it happened right in front of me, I got to witness this fuckery with him witnessing me witness this fuckery. Oh, he tried to play it off. How? By saying “Okay”. What the fuck. Hopefully he learnt his lesson and will next time attempt to walk around in a suave way. Fingers crossed. Cuntbubbles.

And fuck me, there’s these fences I pass everyday with the company’s sign and the most annoying slogan that pisses me of every time I pass it; “The Invisible Wall”. What the fuck. NO. I see you. I fucking see you. You are NOT invisible. Not even close. You aren’t even a wall. You’re a fence. I can’t deal with these lies anymore. It’s all too much for me to handle. The world is becoming a dark place. Let’s hold hands and pray. Motherfuckers. 

Okay bye, 

Gandalf the Grey

PS. Did you notice my financial metaphors in the second paragraph?!?!?!?